soulscape

As you can easily see, I changed the wordpress theme/design of my blog again. I think this one’s a winner! You can do so much with it, including move around all the elements, and choose different ways to display your recent posts, videos, etc.

Since it does have the feature to show videos, I’m adding another video also. This is another dance piece we did at Mosaic. It’s to the great song “Falling Slowly” by Glen Hansard that won an Oscar for Best Original Song (from the movie Once).

Hope you enjoy my new site!

Sometimes the ol’ movie buff in me wakes up. I used to obsessively follow the progress of movies in production. In recent years, I haven’t been as interested in the development of movies, and have also really slowed down the rate at which I watch movies.

In 2008, which is already almost halfway over, I’ve only watched three movies: Cloverfield, Planet B-Boy, and Prince Caspian. (All three were pretty good, with Planet B-Boy being my favorite). Compared to my friend Rob Cowell, three is probably a lot, considering he’s probably watched less than three movies in the last three YEARS, but it’s not a lot for me, considering I have been interested in other movies such as the recent Iron Man, Forbidden Kingdom, and … er … well … I guess the pickings have been slim so far this year.

Last year was a turn-off for me because of all the dark movies that were coming out. At this point, I don’t desire to come out of a movie depressed and gloomy.

Anyway, all that to say there are a few movies I’m very excited to for in the coming years. Here’s just a few that comes to mind:

3. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Yes, I’m a big fan of the seven books. None of the movies have really stood up to the quality of the books, but I thought the fifth one was the best effort yet. I guess the producers agree, because the director of the fifth movie, David Yates, has been asked to come back to not just direct Half-Blood Prince, but the seventh and eighth movies also (they are splitting the seventh book into two movies). This is exciting news because the sixth and seventh books are amazing, and I’m very excited for the November 2008 release of Half-Blood Prince.

2. The Watchmen: Unlike Harry Potter, I have not read the source material of this movie. But, I did buy it online, so I do have a copy of the Watchmen graphic novel, which is hailed as one of the greatest pieces of work in this genre. Before the movie comes out, I will read it, since Time Magazine did name it one of the “100 Best English-Language Novels since 1923,” calling it, “A work of ruthless psychological realism, it’s a landmark in the graphic novel medium.” Better yet, the movie is directed by Zach Snyder, who also brought us 300. It’s slated for a March 2009 release.

1. Avatar: It’s been over a decade since James Cameron’s last narrative movie, a little pic called Titanic. You go further back, and you find that Cameron’s done great sci-fi epics such as Aliens, Terminator I, and Terminator II. And since I’ve always been into sci-fi, he’s one of my favorite director. He’s also an incredibly intelligent man and every interview I read of him I enjoy. His latest work has been long in the making and utilizes the most advanced 3-D digital technology available. Yes, so with Avatar, we will sit in a movie theater and watch it in glorious 3-D. There will be a ton of CGI also, but he promises they will be “photoreal animation,” unlike a lot of the standard CGI you see in today’s movies. I won’t even go into the story of Avatar, though I’m sure it will be entertaining. Regardless of how good this movie turns out, it will be a technical break-through for movies, and an evolutionary event in entertainment. Unfortunately, my number one anticipated movie won’t be out until December 2009. He’s actually has wrapped principal photography, and is already editing, but it’s such a complex project that it will be another year and a half before it’s released.

For those of you who may wonder what that “dance stuff” is I’m always involved with, always rehearsing for, then I invite you to come this Friday night to see firsthand. We’re performing our “Scribble” show this Friday only at the Barnsdall Gallery Theater in Hollywood. This is the show we’ve taken in one form or another around the country and to South Africa. My parents, three of my brothers, and my brother’s fiancee are all coming to watch me. That’s going to be interesting in itself.

The show includes a lot of dance, some spoken word, and also a good wallop of comedy. It’s only $10 if you get the tickets now online! See more info below.

This Friday!

Hola hola. It’s about 2:30am, and I will probably not get any sleep tonite. My church Mosaic is collaborating with another organization and putting on the Awaken 2008 Conference. It starts in about seven hours and goes until mid-day Thursday. Anyway, the dance ministry is involved in five dance pieces during the conference. I have some last minute music editing tonite to do, as well as some web-related work stuff to finish before the start of the conference. Still gotta pack costumes, too, so I expect that I’ll be up all night. I’ve got another two and a half hours to go, then probably have to shower and get going — call-time for us is 6am in Pasadena. Whoo whoo, fun fun.

So two weeks after my lasik eye surgery, I’m told I’m better than 20/20 already. Though I was skeptical, I believe that may be the case. My vision definitely has been getting crisper and crisper. Now I have to deal with the reality of making the monthly payments over the next year.

I rarely talk about sports here nowadays, but let me just say it’s a good time of year. I’m not a big football fan, so it’s fine with me that there’s no football right now. Instead, we have NCAA basketball March Madness, with my alma mater UCLA just having crushed its opponent in the first round, 70-29. I’m looking for them to win their first championship since 1995, when I was a sophomore. I still remember seeing the mobs of people walking through the streets towards Westwood after the championship game.

In the meantime, baseball is also nearing its 2008 season, with teams in Spring Training right now. What more can I ask? My team, the Angels, has a chance to have a special season, with a couple of new talented veteran players added during the offseason and a group of youngsters possibly ready to have break-thru seasons.

It’s spring, and although I’ll miss being able to wear layers during LA’s mild winter, it is a good time of year.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well today, my windows got medicated and sliced and lasered. After having thought about it here and there for a few years, I finally went and received Lasik eye surgery. The surgery occurred at approximately 3pm today and now, at 1am, I am sitting at my friend’s kitchen table typing this.

At the beginning of this year, I heard a presentation at work about medical flexible spending accounts. These FSAs are a way for you to specify an amount of money to be taken out of your paycheck, tax-free. For example, having chosen $1,500 (I believe that’s the max) to be taken out for 2008, I get a little bit of money taken out of every paycheck, equaling $1,500 by the end of the year. Then, when I spend money for medical expenses, I get reimbursed from this spending account. The benefit is that the money is tax-free. The catch is that I HAVE to spend $1,500 on medical expenses in 2008 or I lose that money. Long story short, I made the decision to designate $1,500 for my FSA.

A couple of months later, I’m at Clearview Eye and Lasik Center in San Diego getting a consultation, and they recommend the Intralase Lasik procedure for me. Even after a few discounts, the procedure’s total price is much more than the $1,500 in my FSA. But, I know this is a top-notch facility which uses the latest technology — my friend and ex-roommate is himself an optometrist that used to work at this very center. As some of my friends agreed, it’s worth it to go with a higher-priced option when we’re talking about eye surgery. Also, I qualified to make the balance of my payments, interest-free, over 12 months.

I agreed to do it. So for a week, I had to forego from wearing my contact lenses. Instead, I wore a pair of glasses loaned to me by Clearview. So all week, friends and co-workers asked about my wearing glasses (I hadn’t worn glasses in over a dozen years). I also received numerous compliments about the glasses, which made me wonder to myself, “Why am I spending all this money on Lasik?”

I was reminded of my dislike for glasses though, once the frame started leaving marks on the bridge of my nose. I also disliked the feeling of total blindness whenever I had them off, such as when I first wake up in the morning. Anyway, let me continue onto the procedure.

Today, I arrived at Clearview a little before 1:30pm. After a bit of waiting and signing some forms, I made the $1,500 payment (which I will be able to reimburse myself from my FSA). I had already been approved for the financing, so the balance of the fees will be made in monthly payments by me over the next 12 months. I then went thru a “continuation” exam. They had to re-check my eyes again, since the previous week’s exam results were probably affected by my having worn contact lenses (wearing contact lenses affect the shape of your cornea). This is why I had to wear glasses for the last week.

After that, I was given some anti-anxiety pills. These pills, besides keeping me relaxed, also were supposed to help me be able to focus my eyes better during the surgery. Two different kinds of eye drops were put in my eyes. I believe one was to numb my eyes, and another was an anti-biotic. Iodine was used to disinfect my eyelids. I then had to put on a funny head cap, much like a shower cap, over my head, and similar wraps around my shoes. An eye patch was also put over my right eye.

That was pretty much the extent of the operation prep. After another ten minutes or so of waiting, I was asked to come into the operation room. The surgeon was in there, as well as an assistant. I lay down on operating bed/table and was given a stuffed Shamu to hold during the procedure. Then the psychedelic experience began:

- Some more numbing eye drops were administered into my left eye.
- The operating bed was swiveled so that my head was underneath one machine to my right.
- Some sort of device was “suctioned” around my left eye, probably in essence holding my eye lids open while at the same time helping hold my eye ball in place. There was some pressure felt on my eye ball, but it wasn’t too bad at all.
- I was asked to look up into the machine at a blinking red light. I believe during this time the machine was evaluating and confirming the measurements inside my cornea.
- Then I was swiveled to the left under another machine. I was asked to continue to look straight up and was told I might see a ring of lights. I did…sort of. I was also told my vision would be really blurry at this point because there would be a lot of gas bubbles on my eye. From what I had learned the week before during my consultation and from what I read, this was when a laser was used on my cornea to precision slice the top of my cornea, creating a flap. My vision at this point was very cloudy and psychedelic — remembered I had an eye patch over my right eye and couldn’t see through that.
- Once again I was swiveled over to the machine on the right. I was told to once again focus on the blinking red light above me.
- From having watched a procedure last week, I knew now that the surgeon would use an instrument to lift the now-cut flap open, exposing the inside of my cornea. She kept reminding me to focus on the red light and repeated, “perfect, perfect” as I did so. Basically, an infrared laser at this point was shooting down at my cornea, reforming it to correct my vision based on the measurements they had taken during my exam.
- Once the laser was done, the surgeon lifted the flap back over my cornea, and used another soft-tipped instrument to ease it back into place. She also probably placed some additional eye drops to begin the healing process. I had been told the previous week that the flap would begin healing within minutes. One of the more interesting moments was, as she lifts the flap back in place, my vision was instantly clearer.
- After a few moments, the surgeon takes the eye patch from my right eye and places it over my left eye.
- The whole process begins again, this time on my right eye.
- Once the right eye is done, they ask me to sit up and look at the clock on the wall. I can clearly see that it’s about 3:12pm.
- I’m informed that it’s normal for my vision to be a bit cloudy for a bit, which it is, but there’s no denying my vision is also a lot better.
- The surgeon takes a quick look at my eyes using an instrument.

After that, I leave the operating room where another assistant gives me a Vicodin pill to take. She also hands me a bag that contains: 1) Goggles for me to wear for the next week when I sleep (to print me from rubbing my eyes, which would be very bad), 2) Sunglasses, as my eyes might be light-sensitive for a few days, 3) additional Vicodin pills for pain (I also quickly find out they make you drowsy), 4) anti-biotic eye drops to prevent infection, 5) steroid eye drops to prevent inflammation, and 6) non-preservative eye drops in case of dry eyes and irritation.

I am instructed to go to sleep right away for four hours. It’s important for me to rest and keep my eyes closed for those four hours to promote the healing of the flap on my cornea. It’s not hard to do, and I fall asleep soon after getting to my friends’ Melvin and Anna’s place. I wake up after about two and a half hours, and they put some grapes and a banana next to my bed, along with water. I devour the banana and grapes. Realizing my eyes feel irritated and unsure I can fall asleep again, I take two Vicodin pills. Indeed, I fall asleep another two hours. At 8:30pm, I get up. Soon my friends come home and we hang out a bit, then end up at Denny’s for a late meal.

I can see fine already. There is light irritation with my eyes, a feeling similar to when I used to wear my contacts and they would get too dry. While sitting in the passenger seat of Melvin’s call, on the way to Denny’s, I could see that my night vision at this point is not perfect. Lights have a large glowing halo around them. I can read street signs to an extent, but they are a bit blurry. Regardless, I see them well enough where I can definitely drive. This would have been out of the question prior to the surgery (without glasses or contacts).

I’ve heard that it does take time for my vision to improve, but that eventually, many people experience 20/20 vision or better after these procedures. I do hope that’s the case — 20/20 vision would be incredible — but I must say the immediate results are pretty impressive. For the next seven days, I need to use the antibiotic and steroid eye drops four times a day, and the Vicodin and non-preservative eye drops as needed. But hopefully, after those seven days, my eyes will be fully healed, and the results will even be better.

I listened to an interesting program today on the radio. It was the show “This American Life” on National Public Radio. (In the Los Angeles area, you can access NPR thru both 89.3 and 89.9). The theme of the show was “Testosterone”, and the host admitted that he and others in the show at first was skeptical about doing a show on testosterone, but as it turned out, it was a very interesting topic to explore.

The first segment of the show introduced an anonymous man from Philadelphia who talked about how he lost ALL his testosterone for about a four month period. I forgot why, but it was some sort of physiological ailment. During those four months, his “personality” changed quite a bit. The core of his story was that, without testosterone, he lost all desire. Not just sexual desire, but desire of all kind. He would be in bed for hours at a time, staring at the wall. When he ate, he had no desire for the food to be interesting or good, it was just a desire-free exercise. In that state, he said he could eat “a loaf of bed with mayonnaise” and that would be his day.

He would take morning walks and notice everything, scars on people’s knees, weeds growing, a brick in the wall, every little detail, but he would notice it would complete clinical objectivity. Strangely enough, a thought that repeatedly entered his head was “that’s beautiful.” He would notice these simple details and the objective, feeling-less thought would always enter his head - “that’s beautiful.” He said it wasn’t a necessarily bad experience, although completely humbling, and stated that “when you want nothing, you need nothing.”

He also made the interesting statement that he felt that it was as if he saw everything “like God” would. He said, without testosterone, he just saw right through the skin of everything - he saw everything for what they were, and in general, everything was good, everything had a purpose, everything was “beautiful.”

The second segment of the story featured a man who used to be a woman. Upon deciding to become a man, this person underwent testosterone injections. The amount being injected in him was twice the amount normally found in men who were on the high-end of the testosterone spectrum - “linebackers.” So this person went from being a “butch dyke” to suddenly, with all this testosterone being introduced to the body, having to deal with brand new thoughts. Seeing women who he was the least bit attractive to triggered pornographic thoughts. He started ogling woman while walking on the street and becoming, in his own words, “a jerk.” He considered himself “post-feminist” but was now being called a “misogynist.” To further back the stereotypes on this subject, he started developing an interest in science and found that he was now understanding physics in a way he never did before. He also started finding it much more difficult to cry.

Listening to the show, I wondered how my testosterone levels were, because in different parts of my life, I could relate to all these different range of feelings and experiences, from the lack of desire in the no-testosterone man to the confusing rush of sexual desire in the second story. It’s also a reminder that so much of life, and of who we are, is such a mystery. The more man unwraps, the more mystery remains.

Anyway, interesting show, and I believe “This American Life” does have an audio podcast through iTunes.

I think it’s about time I caught you faithful readers up on what’s going on in Alan-Land. I have a sneaky suspicion though that I lost the 1 or 2 of you who had been coming by here once I switched to a new look or “theme” for this website. I dunno. You never know whether those sneaky suspicions ever have any truth to them. For all I know, my readership has gone up from 2 to 3. Twenty minutes ago I was lying in bed, realizing that, once again, I was not going to be able to fall asleep just yet. It’s been that way this week. I’m getting over a cold, and a general lethargy has overtaken me that generally also results in me not being able to fall asleep. Fall asleep later, wake up later, of course. Yesterday I was not able to fall asleep until sometime around 6am. Yes, 6am.

Tonight, it’s a good thing, because after I got back up, I decided to do a long overdue cleaning of my room. I have yet to pack my bag from last weekend’s trip to San Diego. Also, I have a cheap clothes rack from Target that broke a few days ago under the weight of my many, many jackets. I do love my jackets. But what to do? Should I tape up and fix the cheap broken rack? Or go by another cheap rack from Target? Ah, the deep questions of life.

While looking for some tape to do a quick fix of the rack, it dawned on me…. I was supposed to take my contact lenses out! I scheduled an appointment next Friday for Lasik eye surgery (Intralase to be specific). I never take out my lenses — although I do wear Night and Day lenses which you can supposedly leave in overnight, everyone and their mother would agree it’s a bad idea to leave them in as long as I do. Anyway, I need to not wear contact lenses of any kind for the next week leading up to my surgery. Wearing contact lenses affect the shape of my cornea, which will affect the calculations that will go into my surgery. I’m going to be spending a pretty penny, $4,000 to be exact, to do this, but it’s cutting edge technology at a cutting edge lasik surgery center: Clearview down in San Diego. My ex-roommate in San Diego, Phil, used to work there as an optometrist.

That’s a lot of money, but I allocated $1,500 in my medical flexible spending account at work so I have to spend that much, and the other $2,500 I’m going to probably make monthly payments for over the next 12 months. If this means I will stop my disgusting habit of leaving in my contact lenses too long, then so be it. If it means I will have 20/20 vision or BETTER, then hallelujah. What it also means is I’m wearing second-hand glasses loaned to me by Clearview for the next week, so if I run into any of you during the next 7 days, then you will see what no one has seen in over a dozen years: me wearing glasses. They’re thin-framed glasses whose prescription doesn’t even exactly match me, but hey, better than spending money on getting new glasses that I’ll only use for a week.

Anyway, I also, while cleaning up, found a video game I need to return to the rental store by tomorrow, so not being able to sleep also probably saved me about $8 in late fees. Sometimes it pays to not be able to sleep. Lastly, of course, getting back up led to me writing this almost useless post, my first post in about a month. I hope you’re all sleeping soundly in bed right now. Although, it’s is Friday night/Saturday morning, so some of you young’uns might even be still out on the town. Party hardy then, young whippersnappers….

Change can be good in life. It can refresh you, and bring new challenges. So voila, I’m changing my blog’s “theme”. I use the Wordpress content management system, which makes changing themes very, very easy. Not sure how I feel about this new look yet, so don’t be surprised if I change it again sometime soon….

Edit: Feb. 11, 2008 - OK, gonna try a different theme. I wasn’t feeling that last one I tried….