soulscape

January 1, 2007

Coffee Makes Me Emotional

Filed under: alan — Alan Luu @ 3:08 am

How come all my bloggin’ nowadays seems to be about not being able to go to sleep? This is not the best way to start the new year, no sir. I tried…I lay down in bed around 2am, which is not that late considering it was New Year’s Eve, and of course I was at the requisite New Year’s Eve party. But now it’s just about 3am, and I had given up. I’m back up, lights on, and doing the one thing I could think of right now to occupy my mind — right, myspace.

Yes, I could be reading the Bible…or cleaning my room. But I’m here, where I seem to end up when I can’t sleep.

And yes, coffee makes me emotional. I should have known. I don’t drink much, but because it was New Year’s Eve and I wanted to have energy, I had a frappucino before going to church (Mosaic) at 6pm. I was jazzed during service, dancing like a fool during worship. But by the time I went out with friends to dinner afterwards, I was already fading. No! The night was just beginning!

So I had an iced coffee during dinner. Yes, caffeine does initially pep me up…but then…I start getting emotional. Maybe not outwardly, but my heart seems to get all raw. My heart seems to just sit outside my chest sometimes. Like tonight. And I’m not…normal.

And of course now it’s keeping me up. I’m sitting here feeling all sensitized and alert. What a way to start the new year. It was good earlier today. I went to the gym for the first time in a while, brought an mp3 player to listen to while working out, which got me going. While taking a shower after my (short) workout, I was feeling like I was literally washing away the old, preparing for a NEW DAY. I felt good.

It’s still going to be good. This is going to be a good year, like I think 2006 was a good year. There’s more goodness in store, I can feel it in my heart, which is hanging outside my chest.

November 14, 2006

3:13 in the morning

Filed under: alan — Alan Luu @ 3:29 am

3:13 in the morning
3:13 in the morning
and my mind refuses to go to sleep
3 hours and 13 minutes into the backyard of night
and the electricity in my head’s still running deep

it’s a graveyard of memories, steep in images
still pictures, camera flashes, a slideshow that loops
my soul’s a chameleon that adjusts to the light
people’s faces, her face, many places bully me in groups

10am meeting’s got me worried about the hour
while 10 thousand things got me buried in the rubble
i’d give my brain if it’ll just shut the hell up
i’d give my heart and my eyes to save God the trouble

yes, look into my scrapbook, and drop me your two pennies
examine the resolution, adjust the color, and come to your conclusion
crack open my journal, and do your impersonation
the ink’s still wet, maybe you can rewrite my words
2 pennies, 2 cents, i’d give you a hundred
if you can rewind the time, and put me to rest

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